Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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