He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
