Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
