I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
