You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
