Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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