Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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