Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
