I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
