12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
