Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
