Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
