meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
