My sheets look like a crime scene.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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