went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
