i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
