We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
