I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
