Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
