what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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