"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
