He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
