Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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