I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
