Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
