just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
