We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
