He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
