...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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