Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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