Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
