The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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