last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
