I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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