Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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