her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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