I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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