Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
