I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
