there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
