My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
