i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize