nut hugger
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
