she was so not down for the gang bang
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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