haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
