Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize