I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
