Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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