i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
wow bdsm is so cute
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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