You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
