a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
