took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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