Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
