You're so nebulous sometimes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
