just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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