I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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