If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
