Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
