i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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