Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
