all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
