Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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