I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
