it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
