Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
