I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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