Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
