We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
