i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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