It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Green mimosas i think yes
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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