so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
