I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
