I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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