I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
