hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
