Three words: puerto rican gang bang
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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