Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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