JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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