Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize