at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
