YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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