I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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