he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
