i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
