I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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