eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
