Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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