The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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