listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize