My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
