Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
