I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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