DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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