so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I CAN MOONWALK!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize