he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
