Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
