M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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